On Easter Sunday our church sang "East to West" by Casting Crowns. I have heard this song many times before. So many that I don't really have to think about the words. Jesus casts our sin as far as the east is from the west, yeah, got it. That's the main thing I think about when I hear the song. Which isn't bad but there is even more to the song than that. That morning when we sang it, a specific line finally caught my attention. "I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me". It was like my recent testimony of my life was summed up in one simple line. I definitely didn't think that was possible. For the past 5 years I've been struggling with some things that I'm honestly not ready to share on any form of social media. It might not be a big deal to others but it's been a big deal for me. There have been many times I have just wanted to give up. Give up on everything really, even God. I've felt anger towards Him, I've questioned Him, even tried to run away from Him in a sense, because I haven't been able to understand his purpose in all of it. But I've never been able to completely shut him out of my life regardless of what happens. I've always thought it was because in my heart I know He's the only one I can truly always turn to and He is sovereign, even if I don't understand His ways. So in my mind, I've kept holding on. But what I've come to realize is that if God wasn't active in my life (even when it doesn't feel like it), I would have completely given up a long, long time ago. He has been holding on to me. Not the other way around. Praise Him! Now I know for sure that even when I feel like I can't stand on my own two feet, but I somehow make it through, it's because God is holding me and carrying me through everything with a strength only He possesses. I look at how far I've come and I'm amazed. I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I was in complete control. Even though I wish I was in control sometimes because I'm freaking out about something, praise the sweet Lord that HE is in complete control. His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8, 9 ESV)

It's very hard these days to find a television show that portrays perfect people doing everything right and good in their everyday life. It's much easier to find shows that have all the cussing, drugs, and partying and of course all of the sexual immorality. Not to mention all of the "not so bad" stuff like being selfish and backstabbing friends or cheating to get what you want. But I know we're all guilty from time to time of watching shows that include some of these things, if not all and more. Have you ever watched a show that maybe had some morality issues but it's just so intriguing you feel like you can't help but watch it? Sometimes shows with all that stuff have the best storylines and plot twists you almost can't keep up. You're on the edge of your seat waiting to see what's going to happen next and how things will turn out for different characters. Have you ever found yourself rooting for one of the characters? They're the good guy or girl in the show at (at least by the show's standards). Sometimes they get caught up and find themselves in messy situations. You want the good guy to not cheat on his girlfriend just because she's being a butthead and he finds himself in a very tempting situation. You want another good guy or girl not to steal that money even though they need it for something really important. I know I feel this way. I always hope that these fictional characters will do the right thing. I always hope that love will save the day. And I find myself wondering why even though we don't always expect for good to win, we always HOPE it will. We watch these tv shows and we get that gut feeling something bad is about to happen but yet we hope we're wrong. See what I'm saying? I believe that the reasons we hold on to hope for even these fictional stories with fictional characters is because our hearts were made for so much more. We long for good to overcome evil. We hope it happens. We hope for love to save the day and for all to be well. I believe this is because our hearts were made for eternity. Eternity with Christ in Heaven where good has overcome evil and love has saved the day. Where there's no sin or heartache. Our hearts long for something more Holy and Heavenly even if we don't realize that's what it is. The good news is that if you're a Christian you will have the longing and hope fulfilled one day. We are not of this world. We are aliens in a foreign land. And one day The Lord will take us into heaven for eternity, where our hearts belong.

So originally my plan was to backtrack in time to our wedding day and move forward in all the happenings in our life. But now I feel like too much time has passed to play catch up without either having a really long blog post or multiple mundane blogs about details no one probably cares to read. I can't believe it's been since November that I made my first post. Whoops. So I'll just say this, getting married and moving away from family was extremely hard. The first few months were filled with some emotional meltdowns/homesickness. But I have loved being married to my best friend. So I'd say it's been worth it. ;) I have adjusted a lot more now and I'm still loving married life so all is well. God is good! Anyway, I have a few ideas for the next few posts. It'll be stuff that has been on my heart lately or for awhile. Thanks for stopping by :)