On Easter Sunday our church sang "East to West" by Casting Crowns. I have heard this song many times before. So many that I don't really have to think about the words. Jesus casts our sin as far as the east is from the west, yeah, got it. That's the main thing I think about when I hear the song. Which isn't bad but there is even more to the song than that. That morning when we sang it, a specific line finally caught my attention. "I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me". It was like my recent testimony of my life was summed up in one simple line. I definitely didn't think that was possible. For the past 5 years I've been struggling with some things that I'm honestly not ready to share on any form of social media. It might not be a big deal to others but it's been a big deal for me. There have been many times I have just wanted to give up. Give up on everything really, even God. I've felt anger towards Him, I've questioned Him, even tried to run away from Him in a sense, because I haven't been able to understand his purpose in all of it. But I've never been able to completely shut him out of my life regardless of what happens. I've always thought it was because in my heart I know He's the only one I can truly always turn to and He is sovereign, even if I don't understand His ways. So in my mind, I've kept holding on. But what I've come to realize is that if God wasn't active in my life (even when it doesn't feel like it), I would have completely given up a long, long time ago. He has been holding on to me. Not the other way around. Praise Him! Now I know for sure that even when I feel like I can't stand on my own two feet, but I somehow make it through, it's because God is holding me and carrying me through everything with a strength only He possesses. I look at how far I've come and I'm amazed. I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I was in complete control. Even though I wish I was in control sometimes because I'm freaking out about something, praise the sweet Lord that HE is in complete control. His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
